Category Archives: English

English, Invaliditet

The Box of Memories

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I do not remember if I have ever been more satisfied in all my life than on the day of graduation. I have certainly been happier, perhaps even when remembering that moment than the moment itself, because I was not even aware how beautiful it was. Perhaps I am happier now, knowing I did everything I could, but I have never felt more beautiful. So beautiful that on the very thought of it, emotions come over me, and the lack of words do not allow me to formulate a description that would fit such a situation.

Saturday, the 17th of June, the month of Ramadan. I feel excited while I am getting ready for the day I have been waiting for so long. I feel peaceful inside because exams are over, although I know that I will miss it all immensely. I will miss daily lectures, learning from the professors I got to love like friends, daily conversations and tea with my roommates, visits to useful events. Now I know I was right. Every moment is deeply fixed in my mind, every one of them is kept like a precious blessing in the box of memories, in my heart.

I am ready. For the last time I check if everything is in its place. My roommates, parents, and sister are there, encouraging me to happily welcome that last step. My colleagues from the same department are also there to take me over and help. We will, together, receive our diploma, our path has been the same.

The moment we come out on the stage has been waited for impatiently. My heart is full for I know somebody will be watching me, even though I cannot see them. A colleague mentions that there is a lot of people. We smile. Everybody is there because of us. Moving slowly, one behind the other, we take our seats, while they are watching us, while they are applauding to us, and are happy for us. The ceremony itself is wonderful. I enjoy every second. While I am waiting for my name to be called, my heart beats fast, my palms sweat. I know there will be somebody to help me get out on the stage, for the first time in my life I do not worry.

Everybody is waiting to hear their names called and see their picture on the big screen. Mobile phones are ready to mark that long-expected moment. Faces glow with smiles. So my turn comes. Like I have expected, one girl is beside me to help me get out.

When my name is called, I stand up. She is behind me, telling me where to go. I feel something is different. The applause is longer, the atmosphere has changed. The moment is special, and I am lost. I am not aware that it is happening to me. The dean and professors congratulate me, and while I am getting back to my seat, the applause still lasts. The colleague sitting next to me says to me that all the people present have stood up. I cry. They, nevertheless, know, they value and respect all these years of effort. Perhaps they feel how it all had been for me.

At the end of the ceremony, they announce the best students of every faculty, and the student of the generation. I think how beautiful the ones chosen must feel. I recognize almost every single name, I am happy for them and their families. I feel the girl who helped me beside me, I wonder why she has returned. In one moment, in a small bit of a second, I think that she might be there because of me, but soon I throw the thought away. I think how beautiful it would be, how happy I would be, more because of my parents than because of myself, how they would be proud of me.

As though my wish has been said aloud, the next thing I hear is my name. I stand up with disbelief, moving more confidently now as I know the way. Now I smile. Now I am aware what is happening. Now I am proud. But when I return to my seat, I am lost again. Too much happiness blocks all the voices around me. I think about my mom, who, certainly, cries of happiness. I think of the proud smile on my dad’s face. I thank Almighty.

Many do not know how it was back then when I cried for days because I could not find a way to do math. Or back then when I could not find a book, and got a low grade on the quiz. Or all the long days I spent in my room typing out the lectures in Braille to study easier. Or how terrible I felt back then when a professor did not bring the exam on a USB, and I waited for days for him to decide what to do with me.

Many do not know how it is to feel equal, and the majority of professors have shown it to me. How happy I was when they did not exclude me, when they treated me like others. How happy I was when I could show what I can do. So happy when they gave me a chance. So immenselly grateful when I could do an exam with my colleagues on the time, not waiting, not worrying.

I cannot forget some things. Like when one girl, from whom I did not ask for help, took me under the elbow and brought me to the stairs so the others could praise her for a wonderful act. Afterwards, in the elevator, she did not even say hi. Or when one girl asked my former roommate if she had to bathe me, while I was standing there, thinking about all the things I would say to her, but I did not. Instead, I smiled and calmly explained to her everything about myself, while boiling inside. Now I am glad I acted like that. I try not to think about similar things, but they are coming. But, I will not write about them here.

Still, all the unpleasant situations, all the unhappy moments, all the tears, were forgotten in that single moment of endless joy. The moment they announced me as the third best student of my faculty, and when, for the second time, all the people present stood up and applauded, and were happy for my happiness.

English, Knjige

The Leaving of Liverpool by Maureen Lee (Book Review)

The Leaving of Liverpool
Maureen Lee
Read: March 13, 2016

I am at the end of yet another beautiful journey. This is not a life-changing novel, but it will warm your heart, make you smile, and teach you about true, unconditional love.

The novel is about two sisters, Mollie and Annemarie, whose lives start to change once they separate on the ship that was supposed to take them from Liverpool to New York, into a better future. They both experienced something terrible, and Mollie wants to take her sister somewhere where they will feel safe. Annemarie hasn’t spoken a word since “that night”. Once Mollie stays in Liverpool, and quiet and beautiful Annemarie comes to New York, things start to change for both of them. Annemarie is taken by a stranger into his home, and Mollie, overcome with sadness for having no way to find her sister, tries to build herself a new life in another city. They both come from a small village in Ireland, where their brothers still live.

Even though these two main characters are the ones most mentioned, there are many other characters which you get to love, even though they may not be perfect. Levon Zarian is one of them. When remembering him, my eyes fill with tears because of his true love towards Annemarie. I loved the mention of so many children and their cute behavior, I loved the mention of cats and their care for them, I just enjoyed reading this so much. The only thing I didn’t like was epilogue, because it was spoken about the character I did not like at all.

The book starts in the year 1925 and lasts all the way to the end of the Second World War. People celebrate on the streets because the war ended, but there may be some other reasons for celebration in one family. Even though you feel that the book will end happily, you want to move on and read these beautiful passages. I came across this book by chance, but I recommend it to everyone.

English, Invaliditet, Knjige

Annie’s Song by Catherine Anderson (Book Review)

Annie’s Song
Catherine Anderson
Read: July 10, 2016

This is one of those books that I have been waiting for. It’s not always easy to find such a piece, which make you smile and cry, laugh and shake, and bring a bunch of other different emotions at once. This is the book that I wasn’t able to stop reading, and for which I stayed awake almost all night.
Annie is a girl with a disability. Her parents think that she has a brain damage transmitted from her mother’s side, but Annie is just deaf. Blinded by their business plans, they are unable to give her normal childhood. They beat her when she does something wrong, they exclude her from all activities, and she is left scared and in her own imaginary world that she is dreaming of constantly.
When Annie is raped, she becomes even more scared of the world, of everything and everybody around her, especially the man who did it. the rapist’s brother, physically so similar to him, but mentally so different, tries to smooth out the situation. Once Annie’s parents discover she is pregnant, they contact him in panic. Alex decides to marry her and to take her child, divorcing her afterwards. Since they think she has a brain damage, she will not be asked nor she will feel anything.
Innocent and beautiful, Annie soon becomes a subject of interest to Alex, who slowly discovers her real situation. Furious, he goes to her parents and tells them that Annie is deaf and that they treated her wrongly all her poor life. He leaves, sad and desperate, but resolute to help Annie. Learning about her more and more, he falls in love with her, transforming her from a scary child into a loving woman and wife.
Love is the most powerful weapon in this world. It brings about change everywhere. It helped Annie have a normal life like every human being deserves. No matter our abilities and disabilities, we all have feelings, and we all deserve to be loved and to be taken care of. Each of us needs someone to show us love, to show us that we belong to this world, that we are just like others, looking for a safe place to settle in.
This book is so emotional and warm. While it shows the cruelty of the world we live in, it also shows the other, positive side. The positive side wins here. And maybe, only maybe, we can hope that it will win in our reality as well.
I recommend this book to everyone who hasn’t read it yet. I am sure I will pick it again some day. Hoping that I will have it on my shelf, where it will have a special place. Surely, it has a special place in my heart.

English, Knjige

Honor by Elif Shafak (Book Review)

Honor
Elif Shafak
Read: January 4, 2016

I started off with this book very slowly, wanting to read it with full comprehension, just because I love Elif Shafak’s writing style, and because I was reading it in the original language (English). Well, that wasn’t possible. As I drew closer to the middle of the book, I found myself reading it while everyone else slept, taking all the breaks at the university to read a few more sentences, and, even overcome with fatigue, finishing it tonight.
It is hard to find the right words to describe my feelings after reading this book. It was a great read – something I have not had in a long time. I haven’t read something so beautiful, yet equally painful, in a long time, and now, I find myself speechless.

„Tell me, if you teach someone the alphabet, how can you stop him from reading? When one has tasted the elixir of love, how can she not thirst for it? Once you have seen yourself through your beloved’s eyes, you ’re not the same person any longer.“

Oh, Pembe, how I wish you had lived that love you’d experienced for a short time. How I wish so many things about most of you! At least your two youngest children found their peace. And you, too, found yours with your beloved twin, Jemila.

„Once I wished to be the centre of the world, but then I came to accept that I was only one of the many characters in a story, and not even a major character at that.“

This is a quote by Esma, the narrator of the story, although she is the one who speaks least. I find myself in this quote, that is why I have to put it here. Esma is starting off by telling us about her brother who is about to come out of the prison because he has killed their mother. „Honor Killer“, the newspapers say. As the story unfolds, we learn about many of the characters, family members, and events, which are all interconnected. We learn of the family with only daughters, when the father wanted a son. We learn about the twins, girls again, who come to this family and their destinies. We learn about Pembe’s family, her love, and, especially, her son, although she has two more children.
I love the words, yet I am not so good at uttering them, putting them on the page where everyone can see them. I wish I could express my thoughts about this book, yet not reveal the truth. However, I appreciate the things I have learned from it. how a single book can teach you so many things about yourself, about life, through other people’s lives… priceless.